Biography

TAKE A PEEK AT “ASK SADIE!”

Boy, 4, wants to dress as Power Puff girl

Dear Sadie: My husband and I are having an argument that probably sounds silly, but it's starting to come between us. Our 4 year old son wants to go trick or treating as a Power Puff girl. My husband is upset. He wants him to go as a pirate, a fireman or a male Power Ranger. In other words, something manly. We've agreed to let you settle it. Concerned Parents

Sadie says: There you go, asking an old advice duenna about a pop culture thing I know nothing about. But, always ready to serve, I looked up these Puff people on the Net, and it seems to me they bear a strong resemblance to alien bees. However, from your tone, Sadie assumes your husband is concerned that today a Power Puff, tomorrow a powder puff.

Getting it: Your personal strategy

• Call your husband over. Both of you, calm yourselves. You're thinking of these Puffers as girls because you're grown ups. Quit it. A 4 year old would have trouble nailing their species, never mind their gender. Plus, these characters have more raw attitude than the Fantastic Four! Boys must be buying it, or they wouldn't have cartoon film merchandising revenues rivaling the gross national product of Kazakhstan.
• *The Real Fear: Is your son feminine or destined to be gay? If your concern is based solely on this costume choice, our work is done. If not, where is this worry truly coming from? Are there other things about him you question, for example, his choice of playthings, friends, his attitudes and mannerisms? List each quality or behavior you question. Be very candid. Make separate lists.
• *Who's got the problem? Next to each behavior on your list, add your expectation and judgment. For example:
  • Behavior: "He runs to Mommy when he's hurt."
  • Expectation: "Big boys don't cry to their moms."
  • Judgment: "I think that means he's a sissy."
• Compare lists; challenge those expectations. Are they stereotypes? Do they even make sense? When you see them in black and white, you may realize your assumptions are what's getting to you -- not your son's behavior.

Make an issue and you'll be creating one! While you can gently point out possible consequences of wearing the costume (e.g., some teasing) and make some alternative suggestions, if he's insistent, let it go. (I used to put my son in a warm bath and send him out as a California raisin.)
Most important, at his age, you can't predict his sexuality. The only things your hand wringing will bring are doubts, fears, secrets and shame, which will do your son more harm than if he dressed like Bridal Barbie. Hey, he's 4! In the whole of my vast experience, I've never once observed a toddler change orientation later in life because of his early dressing style. Clothes do not make the man -- sensible parenting does.

The naked truth

Dear Sadie: I am uncomfortable with my body because I believe that I am a bit fat. This makes it hard to be naked in front of my boyfriend. I should add that he thinks I look great. What should I do to get over this? Clothed

Sadie says: Is there a woman alive, apart from Calista Flockhart and Nancy Reagan, who doesn't think she could double for a dirigible? Speaking of dirigibles, assuming Goodyear hasn't asked to advertise via your derriere, we've got some work to do because we women have been wronged wronged right to our Tootsie Roll centers.

Getting it: Your personal strategy

• Go (yes, now) and torch any magazine that features those size 4, 15 year old nymphets with legs like No. 2 pencils, who are stabbing their way through your precious self view.
• Run to an art museum and stare at the masters the Rubens Renoir concept of feminine beauty, before Skinny Skin shakes, Thighs Be Gone contraptions and bulimia wards.
• Since you can't trust your take on you, let's trust your doctor's. Get his or her take on your size and your health. Then decide together on a realistic course of action, if any, that will make you feel better about you.

Believe this: Whether you are curvaceously queenly or a Q-Tip, we're each as magnificent and individual as hand dipped Godivas. Look at Monroe, Mansfield! No Twiggys there. Need proof? Sadie suggests you look into your lover's eyes, see the lust light, then grab a mirror and stand, stark naked and proud, in all your celestial glory. If your mate has two eyeballs, he chose you because he likes you that way. Now it's your turn.

Take 1 from Column A

Dear Sadie: I have been with my boyfriend for over three years. It was great until I started to have feelings for another. My boyfriend is a very good guy, but he refuses to give me the time I need to sort this out. I keep telling him in every way possible, but he still refuses and says that it will only hurt us more! Mystified Morals, Michigan

Sadie says: A fastidious advice maven would tell you to make lists to figure out whether your attraction for No. 2 is a passing desire, a wake up call from your guardian angel, or the Great Escape from No. 1. Write. It wouldn't hurt. But Sadie has a hunch.

Getting it: Your personal strategy

• Repeat: "It's up to me." Tell yourself, "I need to make this decision, no matter where it leads." Expecting No. 1 to give you the time is like expecting the fellow in the electric chair to pay the power bill. Quit asking for permission to fool around and shred his heart.
• Ask yourself, "Can I completely give up Guy No. 2?" You've already answered the question, haven't you? Between obsessing over No. 2 and ruining No. 1, what's your choice?
• Sure things: A banana has 80 calories, and a banana split has 4 billion. You can't play it safe and loose at the same time. Loving, leaving, living is one giddy risk.

The Bigger Question: It seems to Sadie this has nothing to do with choosing No. 1 or No. 2, but everything to do with mustering the guts to choose the freedom to choose.

FOR MORE “ASK SADIE” COLUMNS, GO TO: http://www.tmsfeatures.com/productlist.htm

"Ask Sadie," by Marnie Winston-Macauley, appears three times weekly nationally and internationally in syndication by Tribune Media Services. If your paper isn't carrying all three columns, contact the executive or managing editor of your local paper and ask for the full run. If you like "Ask Sadie" it's also important to let your editors know. Reader feedback is crucial in helping editors determine their readers' preferences. -- The Sadie Team

To Ask Sadie a written advice question: Email her at ASKSADIE@AOL.COM. All questions become the property of Ask Sadie ™, and may be used for publication.